Saturday, April 18, 2009

So Far..

So I haven't updated this place much recently. But its because I don't really know what to update now. I have officially changed my major. Im excited, nervous, and determined. I keep thinking and slowly sculpting my future goals. I wish Ringling wasn't so strict about their majors, but I completely understand why. When you focus and strictly keep to the curriculum, you are sure to get the expected quality you want in the students. But then there is me who wants to criss-cross into both aspects. My future is not as direct anymore as it would have been if I just stayed in Computer Animation, but I feel this is closer to what I wanted in my life. I love art. Art is what I was meant for, i think, in life. It's a gift and curse. As much as I love the concept of the sciences, I just don't have the knack for it. I also don't have a knack for painting, but as little patience as I already have, im more tolerant for art frustrating me.

I feel as though im feeling my way. The embodiment of what im meant to do in life is somewhere in a haze, and im feeling my way thru the fog. Hands tracing along the surface of different obstacles and light sources, which represent each aspect in my life that slowly bring me closer to the ultimate light, my place in the world.

I have been told I have a natural ability to find fluidity and movement, and thats with me not really trying. Sadly, i find pushing movement in 'illustrations' more satisfying. It's like me being told I had the natural ability to sing, but to everyone's dismay, I greatly disliked singing in front of people. Waste of talent, i suppose? But I love to act! haha. I can perform in front of huge crowds, just not sing. I guess I unconciously go for the harder route.

My goal as of now is to learn all that I can learn being an illustrator, and teach myself all the 3D aspects, like: modeling, texturing, and animating. Those I can learn from my friends or from other sources. I won't be as great as the students who are strictly in that focus, but i will have the drawing, color sense, varied media, and commercial abilities that won't be taught in CA. I want the skills that illustrators are taught to better myself as an artist. Not an illustrator. Not a computer animator. Not as a ringling student. But as a person whose life discipline is the arts. Bringing myself to self-enlightenment, so to say. Sounds corny, but I just now see myself as an artist/entertainer foremost, and then I apply myself as an illustrator/3d artist. It would be the same as me being an artist at heart, but working in engineering. I would apply my artistic way of thinking into the technical side.

The point is, I am going to dedicate myself to learning all that I can learn and practice here as an Illustrator, but I definately aim to still work in the film/game industry.

The future seems to be headed into a computer animation craze, and with so much of that going around, I'm sure I can catch enough information and instruction to teach myself. The art of illustration is not AS popular, but i feel the different aspects in illustration is still quite neccessary. (color, concept, composition, storytelling) It's just that it's not taught in great detail when you go into a strict focus like comp anim. (imo) I really want this foundation in my skillset, before I dabble with the digital counterparts of all that.

Why am i such a supporter for Illustration, after being a strong computer animation advocate?

To be honest, before I ultimately decided on computer animation for my major or future goal. I gave passive-agressive consideration for illustration. The painting classes scared me off. I never painting. Tried it a few times before (incorrectly), and was turned off to painting from that point on. But now that I've seen what painting can do, and i've tried it myself, im still not great, but i'm strangely determined to learn. It's like a video game i keep dying in, and getting frustrated with, but i keep wanting to come back and play it again in determination.

I feel so determined and ambitious. I want to learn more about myself and what i'll accomplish. I don't know whats possible, but by God I will do what no other illustrator here i know has done. Be a Illustration major, maybe Viz Dev minor, and Game Art concentration (know modeling, texturing, and enough animation) student. I dont care for Character Animating anymore. lol. I now know thru practice the raw meaning of it, the art of movement (duh), and i don't really want to spend hours on how to make the character run correctly. I want to tell a story, whether its thru environment or scenarios, and spend hours on that. The act of movement is secondary to me after storytelling. And as much as storytelling is the main thing in CA, the art of movement is just as big. Something I underestimated and just plain didn't know until i tried it. As I learned before, programming computers looks FUN (it does!), but it wasn't until i tried some of it out for myself did I find it was not for me. Astronomy looks fun, but astrophysics im sure will be like oil and water with me.

I can't wait for next year to learn and do something that I feel supports & encourages my "lifestyle".

I feel pretty stubborn. lol

Anyways, this post was to get out all that I've learned about myself and things in geneal. Something to look back to and see my progress as a person. I like information, so alot of this was just whenever i had idle thoughts, felt inspired to research studios and artists, or was talking & explaining with my fellow friends and classmates what my inclination for changing majors was.

Keep at it, self! Your past self looks forward to being the best and happy!